A Brief Bio Of Robnoxious (Aka Rob Hanson), or Confessions Of A Trividiot  
-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\  
   
     Well, I figured that since I've graced (or disgraced) you all with  
my presence for well over 5 months, the least I could do would be to tell  
all you interested folks a little about myself (the painful realization has  
hit me that none of you are probably interested).  
   
     (Now where to begin)?  I have resided just about everywhere in  
California.  My current locality is in a small little place called  
Metropolitan Los Angeles (Long Beach, actually).  So, I guess that means  
I'm a snob who cares about no one (at least that's what I've heard everyone  
else say about us So-Cals).  I guess I would be an exception to that  
generalization, but you can be the judge of that (it's quite difficult to   
be a snob when you own very feeble possesions --- at least to the standards   
that people around here seem to set).  
   
     I'm a single, 25 year old, virile white man (well, maybe not  
virile --- change that to breathing white man --- yeah, that's sounds  
better).  For all those who base everything on appearance:  I'm 5'10,  
150 pounds, blonde hair, blue/green eyes (your basic heart-breaker).  Gee,  
that sure does paint a vivid picture, huh?  If I knew someone with a  
color scanner, I'd toss in a photo ... hint, hint.  Till then, you can use  
your imagination (that may very well produce better results than actually  
knowing).  Let's see, personality ... I don't have one (lost it to a band  
of travelling gypsies in the summer of '75).  Yes, my friends, I'm a   
cynic (that's what people say at least).  One of the things I love to do  
is make people laugh (then again, most of you have seen my sense of humor  
so you'll be a better judge on wheather I'm successful at it).  If you  
ever meet me, you will clearly see that I'm quite animated.  I'm the kind  
of person who tries (sometimes deperately) to draw humor out of anything.  
Sure, I may try a little "too hard" but that's just the Gemini nature I  
have been supplied with.  For all you astrology buffs ... I'm a Gemini  
with Gemini ascending (whatever that means --- some astrology nut mapped  
all that out for me).  
  
     Sex life ... hmmmm, this is a pretty lame subject for me to talk   
about, especially when I don't have one.  I'm not gay (just to set the   
record straight --- sorry, all bets are off), but I'm hardly a practicing   
heterosexual either.  I COULD tell you how many times I give myself   
gratification but why bother?  Let's face it kiddies, this is probably more   
information than most people would admit to.  I have no problem discussing   
aspects that affect my life (despite how pathetic it may seem to others),   
even sexual ones.  The number of women I have slept with ... less than 3.  
Pretty terrible, huh?  Well, sexual dynamo wasn't in my list of experiences,  
I guess.  I'm a little uptight when it comes to sex ... maybe it was all   
that Catholic School, I dunno, it's a mystery.  For me, a sex life is hardly   
something I'm all that intrested in at this stage of my life.  I have other   
priorities to get to first.  Maybe I was born to be alone (sad, but I   
wouldn't be the first).  Maybe I need to find the right person.  Another   
sexually uptight Catholic ... almost sounds redundant, 'eh?  Oh well, enough   
with this subject ... let us move on, okay?  
  
     Interests ... well, there is something I can talk about on a higher   
note.  Yea!  Of course, being a virgin trividiot is a given (I love all of   
yous).  I'll stick with the virgin trividiot label till probably my dying  
day (especially amongst you vets).  However, get this ... I do have a life   
outside of running up a huge Delphi bill (it's true).  I throughly enjoy   
Bicycling (no, I don't wear all that spandex biker crap).  One of the main   
reasons is that I don't own a car.  I've come to face the fact that I am a   
really shitty driver (3 wrecks in 3 cars).  So, I figured that before I kill   
myself, or someone else, I'll hang up my driver's license for the time being   
(hey ... I'm doing this as a benefit to you all as well ... you should be   
grateful ... one less a-hole behind the wheel).  So, I ride 15+ miles   
everyday (and along the beach is almost a treat ... you "Ricky Road Racers"   
have no idea what your missing travelling at 60+ mph).  Sure, it takes me a   
little longer to commute ... but, when you've been riding for 2+ years, it   
really doesn't faze you anymore.  Maybe I can't hop in the car and cruise to   
Las Vegas on a whim, but with the money I've saved on gas and maintenence, I   
could fly there.  I'm also an active member in a Dart League (yeah, those   
things you throw).  Not to brag, but I think I'm very good (I'll play for   
money ... big money if you wish).  I was in a Bowling League for a few years,   
but I'm not as good at bowling as I am in darts (average 150-ish, with a 217   
high game).  I won't bowl for big money, that's how confident I am with my   
bowling game (You notice my sporting intrests revolve around ones with  
little to no physical exertion).  I was shitty at just about every high  
school sport with the exception of golf where I do o.k. (not great, just  
par --- heh, I made a golf joke ... daddy would be proud).  Pinball!  I  
LOVE PINBALL!  Gimmie a steel ball and some flippers over Mortal Kombat  
anytime (that almost sounds overtly sexual --- no pun intended).  You can't  
use body english on a Pac-Man game ... I'm a nut on a pinball machine, I'm  
always jumping around like a crazy person (anyone see the movie "Tommy"?).  
Need I reiterate? ... I love pinball.  Wow!  After re-reading this  
paragraph, I'm starting to sound like a self-absorbed prick.  Sure, I'd  
like to say I'm competitive, but I make sure it doesn't run my entire life.  
My motto (like I've seen on a tee shirt) "I'm #3 ... I don't try at all".  
  
  
     Likes ... I'll start to brief this out.  Parenthetical references   
(like you hadn't noticed by now), Los Angeles Kings, Green Bay Packers,   
Samual Adams Honey Brew Porter, radio personalities (Howard Stern, Joe   
Crummy, Tom Leykis, and Jim Rome), Friends (the Tv show), Seinfeld, Frasier,   
Mystery Science Theater 3000, Melrose Place (God, I LOVE that show), and The   
Price Is Right (Bob Barker IS a sexual dynamo).  Mexican food (Carne Asada),   
In n' Out Burgers, Pizza, Marie Callender's Pot Pies, Mac n' Cheez, string   
cheese, and anything that swims (seafood).  Radio stations: KROQ (106.7 -   
Alturnative), KLSX (97.1 - Classic Rock), and KNAC (105.5 - Metal).  Musical   
groups: Pink Floyd (best concert I have ever seen, er experienced), Peter   
Gabriel, Iron Madien, NIN, Steve Vai, Queensryche, Red Hot Chili Peppers,   
and The Beatles (this list could go on forever).  My pet rat "Stupid", she   
wanted to say "Squeak" to all of you.  Lora's Kitty (had to throw that in   
there ... Hi Meowser).  Photography (I guess that should of been more of an   
intrest but since I got stuck on a high horse in that catagory, I'll put it   
here --- B&W, of course).  Artists: Ansel Adams, Stephen King, and the guy   
who invented PEZ.  Movies:  Kentucky Fried Movie, Airplane, The Great Race,   
It's A Mad Mad Mad Mad World, Children Of A Lesser God, Say Anything, Better   
Off Dead, The Sure Thing, Cave Dwellers (MST3k), Groove Tube, The Wall and   
Evil Dead Part 2.  What else is there?  I'm running outta steam here.  I'll   
leave the likes at that.  
   
     Dislikes ... Previous roommates that owe me in excess of $500   
(Mike and Ky --- you both suck!), my judical record, flat beer, glassy surf,   
Morrisey (sorry, it's just when "Girlfriend In a Coma" comes on the radio   
while your typing dislikes ... it's fitting), cold weather (ie - anything   
below 40 degrees), wind in your face (especially when biking), people who   
dart right in front of you when biking (I've gone over enough hoods thank   
you very much), all lawyers, Greaseman, Mark & Brian, Rush Limbaugh, brussel   
sprouts, mustard (blech), pickels, tomatoes (to some extent), losing luggage   
on a non-stop flight, metered parking, sales tax, Clinton (or anything   
Democratic ... hint, hint ... guess what my political preference is), being   
stuck with college textbooks that were bought new but useless at the end of   
that semester (that REALLY pisses me off), environmental wackos, senseless   
rambling (oh wait ... I'm doing that --- nevermind), the federal speed limit,   
Delphi's rates, call-waiting (annoying, I refuse to pay for that crap), junk   
mail, solicitors, people who bum for change (get a job!), long lines at   
supermarkets, old people who hold up supermarket lines with coupons (and   
THEN write a check!), ATM surcharges, mean people, run on sentences (not   
including this one), black ice, cover charges, and flat tires.  
  
     Things that I'll amdit to (but probably shouldn't):  I have smoked  
pot (and DID inhale), I still own a bong, I have done LSD (the Pink Floyd  
concert was one big huge technocolor fantasy), cocaine and speed (though not   
anymore).  I've carried fruit and produce into the state of California, I've   
been to prison (3 days, but nevertheless).  The number of jaywalking tickets   
I have been written --- 8 (you know you can be fined $85.00??!?).  I've been   
fired from every job I've ever held (any employers out there?).  I listen to   
A.M. band talk radio.  
  
     Finally, I attributed my nickname "Robnoxious" many years ago by a   
slew of co-workers, when I was 16.  I'm not sure what they meant by calling   
me that (yeah, right) but since then, it has always stuck.  I thank you for   
taking the time out of your busy schedule to wish to know a little something   
about me (a little?  You get get a whole personality profile outta this!).  
  
               "Buh-bye" --- Robert Arthur Hanson (AKA Robnoxious)  
  
     ... We now return you to Delphi, already in progress ...