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For teacher, any time's right for trivia

BY DARIN FENGER, Staff Writer
Aug 25, 2003


Algebra teacher Michael Welch still winces when he tells how a student
once called him something oh so profane.

The little smart aleck had dared to call Welch, a confessed trivia
addict, ? cool?

Trivia Junkie Michael Welch gets friendly with a quiz game, which he
often battles at Famous Sam's. The bar and restaurant is also the site
of Welch's weekly Trivia Night. Photo by Darin Fenger,

"I told him I've never been cool a day in my life," he said, half
laughing and half panicking. "I am a geek. I am a trivia geek, a TV
geek, a math geek and a comic book geek. I could take those guys on the
show ?Challenge the Geeks? and give them a run for their money.?

Okay, so Welch is honest, too.

And like all geeks, he's more accustomed to getting teased ? especially
by his wife.

"When I pick up a new piece of information, I stash it away somewhere,"
Welch said. "My wife says I have a head full of garbage. When I come up
with an incredibly obscure piece of knowledge that totally floors her,
she'll peek into my ear and say: 'Oh! Coffee grounds, banana peels,
orange peels...? ?

Meeting for an interview at Famous Sam's, where he hosts the weekly
trivia night, Welch makes it pretty clear that he's a man oozing with
passions for the unique and sometimes ill-appreciated. Yes, some folks
may not find the same beauty in the metaphor-for-life struggle behind
backgammon or knowing the first TV show to broadcast a real, live toilet
flush. But hanging out with the guy for a while, well, he quickly begins
to seem almost ? cool?

To sum him up, Welch teaches algebra at Cibola High School and at home
researches new trivia questions and worships the television (as long as
there's a quiz show). He's hosted Famous Sam's trivia event for several
years now, having lots of fun introducing others to the wonderful world
of useless knowledge.

"I always tell people that it's the most fun you'll ever have saying ?I
don't know,? ? he said, grinning. "I also say that they're going to lose
their brain cells to the alcohol anyway, so they might as well put them
to use. Give them a decent burial!"

Welch's march into the world of glorified geekdom began when he was only
a nerd, growing up in Charles City, Iowa, when his love for math was so
great that it even scared his mother.

"Math has always been my second language," he said. "My mom, when I was
a child, called my math ability frightening. I could calculate quickly
in my head. The numbers were small, only three digits, but for a
6-year-old, I guess it was pretty amazing to her."

It was also as a kid that Welch discovered his fate in becoming a
teacher, but tutoring other students in algebra.

"I loved the fun of seeing someone who didn't understand something
before knowing it suddenly because of you. I got a real charge off of
seeing the light come on. It's a positive addiction."

And we can't forget the time he found some trivia books lying around.

"That's when I realized how much I like knowing stuff," Welch said. "I
like knowing any little type of information I can get my hands on. I
also like to recall information on a moment's notice."

He doesn't exactly remember getting teased as a kid, though.

"If I did get teased, it was probably because I had it coming. Because
in addition to my abilities, I had a pretty smart mouth."

In college, he won so many dormitory matches of Trivial Pursuit that
buddies forced him to become the question asker, sort of a foreshadowing
to his adult life alone at the board game.

"My wife won't play with me anymore, either."

He stresses, though, that trivia can indeed be useful.

"When I hear something mentioned in conversation, I'm much more likely
to identify what it is because of my studies with trivia," he said, then
thinking for a moment. "A flip answer could be that I can understand
Dennis Miller a whole lot better."

The Welches moved to Yuma in 1989. His wife is an English teacher at
Kofa High School.

At home, he likes to use his math-thinking in terms of creative problem
solving.

"If a problem comes up, I try to think of all the possible ways to solve
it and then pick the best one," Welch said, then tying that thinking
into puzzles and games. "I actually don't prefer straight strategy. I
like probability. Life gives you these cards, here's how you have to
deal with it, what are you going to do?"

Also at home, Welch adores watching game shows, sometimes staying up to
3 a.m. and on a bad week, watching 40 hours worth. His favorite is
"Jeopardy" and he loved "Weakest Link," mostly because the host gave
dummies a hard time, just like Welch does from his sofa.

"When I see contestants not cutting it, I yell at the TV screen. ?Come
on people!? I'll say the answer out loud, like who was the director of
the 1984 Macintosh ad that was only shown once, during the Super Bowl?
It was Ridley Scott, the guy who made 'Aliens,? ? Welch said. "It's just
like horror movies. You yell and they just stand there."

He added that he correctly answers about 3/4ths of Jeopardy questions,
but the $2,000 usually run right past him.

Welch has tried to get his own grey matter on a game show before, but
hasn't had much luck.

"I tell anyone who will listen that I was one phone call away from
'Millionaire.? ?

When he tried out for Jeopardy, he second guessed too many of the answers.

"Tip for all triviaholics: Go with your first impulse. It's usually right."

So in the mean time, Welch enjoys the local spotlight at Famous Sam's,
where he hosts Trivia Night every Tuesday at 7:30 p.m.

"I always tell people that I'm just biding my time here until I can
successful pull off Alex Trebek's ultimately death," he said, his frown
growing into a grin. "I can assure you that was a joke."
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